Fun Facts About Me

I am an average singer(sometimes above average). I love Karaoke

I can eat an entire large pizza to myself.. (I just choose not too most of the time).

I love animals. I wish I could adopt all my furry friends.

I am 25 years old and a Sagittarius- IF YOU WERE CURIOUS.

I went to UC BERKELEY and majored in Political Science and Philosophy…(YIKES)

My favorite movies are…. Crazy Stupid Love. Pearl Harbor. Up<3. Inception. This Means War. Armageddon

Given My Favorite Movies… I’d say I am kind of basic.. (school me with good movies in the comments?)

Once a cat had a litter of kittens in my garage… and then came back and had another litter of kittens months later. I had like 14 cats that year.

I often debate on whether I will go to grad school, or law school… But I am terrified that they will be a waste of time. We shall see.

I actually love school. I love learning. I think knowledge is a powerful thing.

I can out drink most of the men I date. (I am proud, but not proud..)

I drink manlier drinks than most of the men I date?

Waitress: (hands me a cosmo)

Me: “No honey, the Whiskey on the rocks is for me.”

Waitress: “Oh, I’m sorry, here’s your cosmo sir.”

AND this is why I am single. KILLING EGOS DAY ONE. (just kidding)

Men embrace your girly drinks! Or drink some whiskey it will put hair on your chest. It certainly puts hair on mine! (wait what?)

I use to want to be a comedian… but then I realized I wasn’t capable of being “professionally funny.”

I LOVE 90s MUSIC.

Side note… EMINEM put out a new album… WHAT?.

I don’t like ARIANA GRANDE or TAYLOR SWIFT….(I’M SORRY)… (I’M ALSO NOT SORRY) Talented women.. just not my cup of tea.

I have 6 Siblings… five of them are technically half siblings.

Once Upon A Time: A Childhood Story That Will Leave You Cringing For Days

Once upon a time …..

There was a girl, not just any girl, and extraordinary girl. A girl who looked danger in the eye, a girl who learned to survive the wrath of three crazy brothers. A girl, who, instead of running would just stand her ground.

A girl, who, one day walked into the kitchen to find one brother running around the kitchen island, and another brother chasing him with a butcher knife, screaming … “I’m going to kill you, I swear to god”. The initial reaction you might ask? Obviously jump in between the brother with the knife and the brother that was running for dear life. Thus, ending the cycle of running and buying time for the grandparents to come in and break up a “fight?”.

It was like walking into a slow motion bounty commercial, and I was the person with the bounty paper towel, who was there to save the day and clean up the mess.

Once I successfully got in between the two, keeping one brother on the complete opposite side of the kitchen island, and guarding the other brother, who was catching his breath. I began the art of slightly coaching my older brother to put the knife down.

Then came the mediation between idiot number one and idiot number two. Finally, as I stood between my older brother and my younger brother, an adult walked downstairs and asked “what was going on?” I looked at both of them. They both started to walk away. Crisis was averted. Ok so it was not that bad… but…

Welcome to my life.

You know what they say. Not all heroes wear capes. That is me. I do not wear capes… ever.. maybe that one time, when I dressed as a vampire for Halloween.

I swear some of you have never had your siblings chase you around with a kitchen knife, and threaten your life and it really shows.

I saw that in a meme last year and it really resonated with me. Just saying.

I have yet to decide if this was a normal occurrence? I mean most siblings do this stuff right? Attempted murder? No? Yes? Maybe???? I mean it was a normal occurrence in my house, so I just assume, healthy sibling rivalry? What would others do in this situation?? I am curious.

I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or grab my own knife.. Growing up with an out of control psycho, was a character building experience. You never knew if he was going to burn the house down, hire a hit man, stab you in your sleep. You just knew you needed to lock your doors. Now that my friends is cringe worthy.

Side Note: Tuesdays I like to post funny stories about me if you have yet to catch on. If you’d like to hear more about the crazy thing that is my life leave a comment. I’d be happy to switch it up! I’d also be happy to share more crazy WTF moments as well.

If you like what you read, don’t forget to subscribe.

XO Bri

My First Time: Falling Asleep In My Meditation Class

A few months ago, my stepmom and younger sister asked me if I would be interested in attending a meditation class with them. I had been dying to try meditation for quite some time, but I was having little success doing it on my own.

Anyways, I decided to go to the class.

The class was an hour long… and the instructor let us lie down. During the first 20 minutes all I could focus on was the kids screaming down at the pool. After those first 20 minutes, I began to fall asleep… I was dreaming.. and coming in and out of consciousness.. and THEN the snoring started.

Not someone else snoring… ME. I started snoring. Every time I would wake up I’d look over at my sister, who was laying next to me and she would start giggling to herself quietly.

I’d go back to closing my eyes, and begin to drift off again and again.

I could not stay awake… Finally the class was coming to an end.

I wake up to the sound of people shuffling around.

Everyone but me was already sitting up on their mats ending the class with some positive affirmations.

My step mom and sister were sitting there on their mats holding in all of their laughter.

I’m starting to think the worst. I assumed that I was probably snoring, but was I snoring excessively loud… Was I just snoring? Was there more??

I finally leaned over to ask them, because I kept waking myself up from what I assumed to be heavy breathing.

The just laughed at me, and chimed in with, “I’m glad you had a good nap”.

I have yet to try another hour long meditation class, but I do practice mediation at home, and on my lunch breaks, for 5-10 minute sessions to relieve stress and anxiety daily.

Meditation is still a work in progress for myself, but practice makes perfect and the benefits are worth it.

Learning to clear a mind that is always running is a difficult task.

Feel free to comment some helpful meditation tips if you’d like!

Or your first meditation experience.

I know I am not the only one who fell asleep during a class. 🙂

Post Christmas Gratitude

Well, we did it again! Made it through the holiday season. Adios Christmas, see you in 2020. It was so nice of you to take my bank account with you on your way out. Literally jumping with joy at the idea of not having to attend another large family gathering for at least another 11 months.

The holidays are great don’t get me wrong, but oh my lord the gift of giving takes its toll.

It always cracks me up that we are expected to give gifts to every single person that has crossed our path, and we tend to feel guilty when we leave someone out. Christmas has and will probably always be an over the top holiday in my household.

I mean talk about gifts galore.

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

What I have come to notice the last few Christmas’s is that giving gifts is hard. Especially as everyone gets older. I mean all I really want is money to pay off my student loans.

This year as I watched everyone open presents, I couldn’t help but notice the utter disappointment that came across their faces, partially because they didn’t know what to do with the books I had gifted them.

#readmore2020

Not to mention no one know’s how to pick the right sized clothes. Which means we are now left with the task of returning, or throwing the clothes into the back of our closets, because someone forgot a gift receipt.

Opening gifts is always a bit of an awkward moment, because everyone is waiting for your initial reaction. My face always shows everything… it’s very unfortunate. I guess that’s why I am a writer not an actor. Both of which are hiding behind two very different screens.

I think it’s natural for people to get a little bummed, when they don’t get exactly what they wanted. Some may call this being ungrateful.

#newiphoneplease #wheresmylulus

I am lucky I am at the age, where I get to buy presents for myself, otherwise I’d be sitting there slightly disappointed too.

It’s important to remind ourselves that it’s not about what we don’t have, it’s about what we do have, because so many people have far less.

Opening presents is a fun activity that honestly just shows you that people care.

It’s also a way for parents to encourage their small children to behave well, or else a really overweight man will not be breaking into their house on Christmas Eve…

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Santa… Stranger danger..?? I don’t know. Truly a weird concept. Who’s to say he isn’t trying to lure kids to his sleigh.

Just Saying… “He’s always watching” Watch Out. Potential stalker alert.

On a more serious note.

All the presents set aside, be grateful, because you are here and there are others that are not with us this holiday season. It’s important to be thankful for the life you have and the people in it, and to celebrate that life with the people you love.

About Me: Bluntly Bri

Hi there,

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Bri. I am extremely new to this so bare with me.

If someone I knew were to describe me in five words they would say I am funny, intelligent, inappropriate(sometimes crude), honest(open book) and big-hearted(all dogs welcomed).

For a brief amount of my younger years I wanted to be a comedian.

Amy Schumer was an unfortunate role model in a way. I mean the woman is impressive, but in my younger years, she should have been at the bottom of my role model list. I really just appreciated her honesty, and ability to not care what anyone else thought or had to say. She was always true to herself. I felt as though I was like Amy in a way, because both of us are incapable of filtering what comes out of our mouths, and because of that people tend to find us both funny?

I have for the most part learned to embrace this quality thus far. People’s reactions do honestly tend to make my day. Most people find me funny. Some find me cringe-worthy.

Don’t worry…

I too, am just as shocked with what comes out of my mouth sometimes. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it is extremely entertaining.

People say I am intelligent.

I dated one guy, who told me I was one of the smartest people he knew. I really couldn’t tell if that said more about him or myself… or if he was even being serious.

I’d like to think I am average and occasionally above average. I am honestly just a realistic, semi-logical person, who is constantly trying to learn and improve. I believe knowledge is power, and the world is full of information. All of which is at our fingertips.

I’ve been told I am inappropriate and that my sense of humor can be crude.

The truth is, I’m just not lady like. I don’t know how else to put this. I was raised by a single father. I held burping contests and played with hot wheels. I love and obsess over football and believe that 90’s music is the best. I will always choose rock over rap and I hate wearing dresses. Don’t take any of that the wrong way. I still look like a lady and I will be the first to tell you looks can be deceiving.

I am brutally honest with myself and those around me.

If you ask me a question I will almost always answer honestly. I have my own set of faults and I understand that so do other people. I think we all get lost sometimes, and need help getting back to the surface, and sometimes that takes a honest and hard approach.

When I say I am almost always honest.. I just mean I can try to lie, but I suck at it. Therefore, I just try to be honest all the time. I don’t like hurting feelings. I also don’t believe coddling people throughout life is healthy or good for personal growth.

For Example…

A time where I tried to lie and failed horribly.

My sister-in-law refused to tell me the name she picked out for her baby when she was pregnant, because she knew I’d probably hate it. After the baby was born, she finally Facetimed me, to introduce me to my niece. She proceeds to tell me my nieces name, and before I said anything she goes, “See! This is why we didn’t tell you!” I, of course responded “It’s a beautiful name. I love it…” My face, however, was honestly cringing at the phone, which she could CLEARLY see.

She’s lucky her baby is cute, because I may have responded with “can you send it back?” Or “You didn’t tell me Voldemort was it’s father.”

Most people tell me I have a big heart.

I think this is because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve been told I am a very accepting and forgiving person. I make friends in their weirdest places, I leave myself open to others, and I’m never afraid to share or relate if it will help someone through a situation.

I was told last week that I have a yellow aura. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I just thought I’d throw that in.

I adore animals and I am a proud dog mama. I come from a broken family that consists of SIX siblings. Most of which I am still very unsure about. Just kidding. I love you all very unequally.

Well there you have it. That’s me. I hope you all stick around and buckle in, because shits about to get interesting. 🙂

Welcome To Bluntly Bri.

Feel free to follow me on Facebook or Instagram

Facebook: @bluntlybri

Instagram @bluntly_bri

Rant: #Shartbucks

Ok. I need to have a serious conversation with all my fellow coffee drinkers, because I can not be the only one, who experiences automatic release after having two sips of my Starbucks coffee? Or am I? Do other people experience this level of urgency?

I can add all the almond and coconut milk I want, for those of you thinking maybe I am lactose intolerant, which may or may not be true.  I just can’t seem to comprehend what I did to deserve the after math that comes from drinking my favorite caramel macchiato. They have to be putting something in these these drinks! Is it the liquid cane sugar? The sauce?  The excessive caramel drizzle that is now taking the fast track straight out of my intestines.

I mean make room for last nights dinner, hot macchiato coming through.. is apparently the automatic brain response when my lips touch the cup. Heaven help me if a have a frappa-crapa-cinno. I just wonder if I would get the same response if I were to have.. say.. a black coffee? Instead of an overpriced cup of milk with some shots of espresso. I’ve tried regular iced coffee same response. I have now started to post on my snapchat #shartbucks. To inform my friends that I have indeed done it again and the aftermath of my decision will soon be coming. I feel like I should cut it out all together and save myself the money, regret and the overall discomfort that comes from these sugar filled drinks. Anyways maybe I have a rare form of IBS, specifically activated by a secret ingredient Starbucks uses in their coffee. 

Thank You for listening to my TedTalk. I hope you all enjoyed this very personal piece. 

Single and Ready to Mingle

Why Hello There. Come Here Often?

The line I get every time I am sitting alone at a bar. Some of you may be wondering why I am sitting alone at the bar…It’s usually because I am always on time and my friends are typically an hour late. It’s fine though. I need a good buzz to deal with them all night.

I typically need saving by the time my friends stroll in. They usually find me sitting there with that please help me look in my eyes, and a free drink in my hand. My classic Old Fashioned never disappoints and gets me through all my awkward situations.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I have this quality of being too nice. It took me forever to learn to just say no. I don’t know why, but have a hard time hurting strangers feelings and have no problem with anyone else’s.

After being of drinking age for a few years and getting sick of this dynamic, not saying that I will ever get tired of free drinks. I had to figure out better ways to handle these situations.

I am a very honest person but sometimes you just have to lie. I had to lie to save myself in these situations. I wouldn’t lie if drunk men knew how to take no as an answer.

If I really am not interested in a person I say “you can buy me a drink but ladies are more my type”. Guys usually still buy me my drink and wish me happy hunting and we cheers.

Photo by Joe on Pexels.com

The I have a boyfriend line has never… ever… in my entire early 20s worked for me. Just FYI.

I had to get more creative… I had to learn how to be unapproachable… and yet somehow approachable at the same time. To only get the guys I want to approach me to approach. It was a learned skill and it took a lot of practice.

Here’s what I did. I would put my can’t possibly be bothered face on. My RBF if you will and I would tactically look around. I typically sat at the bar, so my back would be facing the majority of people, and this usually led to me being avoided by the masses. The only people talking to me were the ones asking if they could pop through to buy a drink. Most of the time they would usually ask me to order drinks and would hand me their card, and would say get yourself one too.

Now, when I say tactically look around, I mean it is always good to be aware of your surroundings. I am a very observant person. I’d watch those who would order at the bar, those who would walk in and I’d always position myself in just the right spot.

So most men tell me I have game. That is because I am good at giving signals..

For example a guy walked in. He was 100% my type, but he was with a group of women. He went to the end of the bar and ordered drinks. I looked at him like a stalker until his gaze finally met mine. We both smiled, and moved on. Later I locked eyes with him again closing out his tab gave him a what I hope was a seductive look/ quick smile, and I whispered to my friend “watch this”. So the guy finally makes his way over, and introduces himself and says “Hi, I would have kicked myself later if I didn’t say hi to you, but I am on my way out. I responded with “I’m glad you did, I’m bri, here’s my number text me when you lose the girls.

He texted me.. Told me “my eyes reeled him in”.

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

We went on to have a few dates, before I found out he was recently divorced with kids. We are still friends though great man.

I used this method countless times at the bar, not at the bar, at the gym. Basically I either told people to approach me or I gave them a very firm don’t approach me look, when I noticed them starting to approach.

I don’t expect this to work for everyone, but you’d be surprised what you can do by just giving someone a look. If this tactic does not work for you though, I highly suggest going to the bar with someone who has no problem getting men to walk away. I had a friend who was such an ass. She would get free drinks and then be like..”okay. great. we are done with you now”. YIKES. The balls on that girl, are impressive? I don’t know if impressive is the right word.

Well Happy Hunting.

Lies I Tell My Boss: How I Convinced My Boss To Let Me Bring My Dog to Work.

Before I became a Legal Assistant I was still serving tables post college. After I graduated I applied to hundreds if not thousands of jobs daily. Every month that passed I hated waiting tables more and more. Every job I didn’t get… started to make me feel as though I’d never stop waiting tables. I kept picturing myself in the movie Waiting , wondering if I was going to be the angry shot lady screaming while walking up from the kitchen.

When I interviewed for the position I have right now, my boss told me off the bat- “your resume is not one I typically would consider“. I was taken by surprise, but moved on to have one of the best 45 minute interviews and conversations of my life.

As someone who was entertaining the idea of law school and him being a lawyer, he completely understood the position I was in. He understood everything I was trying to consider going forward. I was not sure if I wanted to commit three more years of my life to college, if I was doing it for the right reasons, if it was ultimately the right move and he respected that.

During my interview he asked me what the most common lie I tell is and after telling him, that I have an extremely hard time lying in general and that I suck at it… the one thing I lie about often usually involves my dog..

For example if I am late to work it is because I could not wake the precious sleeping fur child I have come to love and adore. Same goes for when people ask if I want to go out.. I usually lie and say I can’t, but truthfully I’d rather be at home with my dog.

It is not an exact science and in my particular line of work, I do, however have to occasionally lie here and there. I didn’t want him to think I was a square, so I told him I lie for my current boss all the time, and that white lies for others is acceptable. I honestly do not know why I said that. Oh well…

A few weeks into my job I began plotting. I finally asked him, if I could bring my child(dog) to work with me on Halloween. I claimed that he was part of my costume, and that I was going to bring him to my dad’s block party after work. Joke is on my boss, I don’t dress up for Halloween. My boss knew right then and there I was plotting. He said, “you really are always plotting aren’t you? Don’t act like this isn’t a ploy to bring your dog to work from now on”. Am I that obvious?

However, I knew if he met my sweet baby angel he would be fine with me bringing him to work every day.

Ready to Impress.

My dog is now the office mascot. Everyone loves him. Clients call, and ask how Q(my dog) is doing? . He even has his own stocking. I checked it this morning though and apparently someone put coal in it.. what a Grinch.

I partied pretty hard over my Thanksgiving break, because… family is difficult and I was not feeling great when I came to work Monday. So, I told my boss I had a stomach bug. This was not a total lie. I was honestly not doing so great. I really wanted to just go home. Joke was on me this time though, because I ended up getting extremely sick the next day and I was sick for two weeks straight.

Bottom line is… I have no shame apparently. I just flat out stopped lying to my boss all together. Once we got comfortable in the work place I caught him watching Deadpool on his lunch break.. he was still working he literally never stops, but now I make all of his dinner reservations under Wade Wilson. He caught me editing my book at my desk and his nosy self asks, who is the golden child? That is now my nickname. Once we cut the BS we got to enjoy the work dynamic that I feel lucky to have. I can’t say that would work anywhere else. I definitely got lucky, to get the opportunity to bring my fur baby to work, work on my own projects, figure out my future, and have a supportive boss in the process.

Me, Myself and the Dog: A Holiday Guide To Gift Giving

Winter is upon us, and so are the holidays, which means staying in with the space heater I call my dog. My partner in crime, fartbox, butt cuddling, bundle of joy. If his toots don’t kill me the ever present loneliness coming into this holiday season might.

My fur child and I spent a lot of time coming up with the perfect gifts for all the members of the family this year. As he laid snuggled up beside me binge watching life of pets.. I frivolously surfed the internet for the perfect bunch of presents. After finding absolutely nothing, and realizing this is such a waste of money, because who needs gifts anyways? I looked at my dog and as he gazed back at me, with that intense blank look in his eyes, I realized we are going to give the gift of giving.

Everyone is going to get the gift of giving to a charity! How philanthropic of us.

I hit google to find some gifts that give, and I stumbled across Good House Keeping’s article on the 26 Best Gifts That Give Back, and they made my life easy peasy. I found gifts for just about everyone.

For example my Step Mom is getting a succulent trio, that uses its profits to provide clean water to people around the world.

My sister is getting the Kiehl’s Collection for a Cause Skin Care Set, which donates its profits to help feed people this holiday season.

My mother is getting the grounds for hounds coffee trio set, which donates money to animal rescues.

My grandma is getting the “When Life Gives you Lemons” bangle bracelet from Alex and Ani, because she is a jewelry queen. They donate money to cancer research, which my grandma would fully support. Considering we lost one of our own to cancer.

And of course the the charity pot body lotion, as my white elephant gift this year, which donates its money to multiple causes such as human and animal rights.

The charity stuff works well for the girls, the men in my family all get 49er inspired gifts, you can’t mess with tradition! What can I say.

What it Means to Ditch the Filter

It amazes me how much people filter in their everyday lives. We filter our photos, our faces, ourselves, we are constantly editing to meet the standards of what other people think of us. I encourage everyone to ditch the filter. Especially when it comes to filtering what you say, and how you feel. I say this, because we as people hold back to much, and I want everyone to start to feel comfortable in their own skin. Ditching the filter covers so many aspects of life. Whether it’s how we filter our emotions, the words we say, we constantly hide behind a facade. I am encouraging us all to be our unique individual selves, and stop hiding behind whatever is deemed socially appropriate these days.

Ditching the filter brings a sense of freedom and enlightenment. It means cutting the bullshit, and stop apologizing for being who you are and expressing how you feel. It means ditching the societal boundaries that tell us what is socially acceptable. Society puts constraints on us, and tells us how to act and what to think.

We are all just cogs in a machine mindlessly following like sheep. I am not condoning people to start going around being assholes to each other, but simply stop holding your tongue when things should be said. Realize it is alright to talk about, grief, depression, sex, and eliminate the stigmas.

Just #beyourself, in all of your glory and stop caring how the world perceives you. #Ditchthefilter. #Ditchthefacade.  If you have no idea what that means, or entails, then go out there and figure it out. Figure you out. Start taking care of YOURSELF. There are so many things people do and do not do based on what other people think, and this OVERWHELMING fear of judgment. Ditch that philosophy and understand you are living life for you. Stop lying to people around you. learn to be more honest with yourself and others.  It’s called authenticity, and it is important.

My whole life I’ve been told that I have no filter. This meant that I could not control what came out of my mouth. This can be perceived as good and bad. While, yes, my words were fully capable of cutting like knives and hurting someone to their very core. It also meant that I had the balls to say what other people couldn’t possibly fathom saying.

I am even horrified of the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. I’ve prided myself on being real, and honest, I always speak the truth even when it hurts, because I am not an enabler. I genuinely wish more people around me would just say what they mean and mean what they say. My biggest pet peeve is when people try to say things to make you feel better, but everything they say is an outright lie. Girls do this all the time, they sugar coat everything. Sugar coating does not make anything better, and constantly coddling people creates monsters.

I think everyone filters different parts of themselves, and some people filter more things than others, but people need to come out of their comfort zone and start embarrassing themselves for everything they are.

 #firstblogpost #Loveyourlife #loveyourself #liveyourlife #ditchthebs