Confidence: The Key to Unlocking A Better You

Confidence is interesting. I’ve watched it come and go in myself and other people. 

Sometimes I think, wouldn’t it be nice if I could just be confident all the time?

Well.. yeah.. duh… that would be nice. 

It’s also 100% doable.  

Confidence is part of a healthy mindset. A mindset you can adopt, change, develop and start right FORKING now. 

All confident people know their strengths, they are not afraid of failure, they stand tall, they are people of action, they are problem solvers, and they definitely don’t have a problem with self doubt or negativity.

CONFIDENCE is an EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE quality. So the sooner you get on board with it the better your life will be. 

I say this as a person… who spent so much of her life never knowing what she wanted and couldn’t make a decision to save her life. 

Be confident in everything you do and every choice you make. 

It always breaks my heart, when I come across people with an underdog mentality or worse a victim mentality. I just sit there thinking to myself… Dude. The only person not rooting for you is you! Get out there, jump in, make a splash, make a scene, be forking brilliant. 

Here are a few key things I hope will ease you on the right path to becoming a more confident you. 

  1. Start practicing self-love. Stand in front of the mirror…. Look at yourself… and say at least 7 things you love about yourself. The first time around you probably won’t believe them… But if Spongebob can stand on a roof and say “I’m ugly, and I’m proud,” then I have full confidence that you can say I love my birthmark it makes me unique. I love my eyes(stop calling them pooh brown). I love that I love fiercely. I love that I am creative. I love my passion for animals(or whatever your passionate about). I love that I am nerdy. I love that I am currently practicing self love. I love my body the way it is. I love my dimples. I love my sense of humor. I love my honesty. I love that I am genuine. I love that I am kind. Alright 7 things! Repeat them…google positive affirmations if you have too. Repeat them to yourself like a mantra. Do it when you aren’t in front of the mirror I don’t care. Positive self talk. Try it. It’s fun. Maybe dance in front of the mirror while you’re at it?
  2. Eliminate negative thought patterns. Any time you start to think a negative thought turn it into multiple positive thoughts. It’s all about perspective. 
  3. Stop with the self doubt. Write down your strengths and your weaknesses. Always focus on your strengths, and improve your weaknesses over time. Stop worrying about the worst thing that can happen. Even the worst thing you can overcome. (unless you are planning to rob a bank, and the worst thing is jail. But I hope that is not the case). Self doubt is crippling. Ditch the self doubt. You will thank me for it later. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, worry about you. 
  4. Be a person of action. Stop making excuses. Always do what you say you are going to do and hold yourself accountable. 
  5. Dress to impress. How you present yourself can scream confidence even if you feel like a turtle in a well dressed shell. 
  6. Fake it till you make it. That’s what the best of us do. No one has it all figured out. It helps to be one step ahead though. 
  7. Do something that scares you. DUN DUN DUN. Strive to be brave, bold, and brilliant. Ask the person out, take that trip, go skydiving, swim with sharks, ride it’s a small world(literally that ride creeps me out…. I can hear the music in my head). Fear only holds you back. So go be fearless. Facing a fear does wonders for your confidence. Sometimes it even makes you feel like a new you.

In a Funk? Here are Some Tips and Tricks to Perk You Back Up

Oh FUNK. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up (Haha, not funny….)

That’s my life right now. Trying to find my way to the light after falling into a fairly intense funk.

I think it’s the season. We hit the ground running with motivation and then we get stuck pumping the breaks from exhaustion.

I bet your thoughts are somewhere along the line of… staying in bed forever… curled up in a ball.. not in the mood to leave your house??

Maybe it’s just because it’s Monday and adulting is hitting extra hard, or maybe it’s because it’s freezing outside and winter has me snuggled up with my favorite plush blanket.

WHO KNOWS.

So. How do we get the pep back in our step??

Well.. we take a long hard look at our goals, and push through, because it’s all we can do.

Easier said than done. I am well aware.

Here are things that I do when I hit the dreaded FUNK.

  1. Unplug from social media. Social media is the worst mental health culprit. So, I find that taking time to unplug and ditch the screen brings me mental clarity.
  2. Obviously I meditate, it tends to improve my mood, I actually meditate with some sage scented candles, or I burn some sage and turn on my meditation playlist.
  3. I rearrange my house….. because something about a put together house, makes me feel like a put together person. You can always tell if I’m in a funk, because the furniture will have been rearranged.
  4. I take time to rewrite my goals, to remind myself that my funk is temporary and I do have a plan in motion. That usually helps get some rhythm going.
  5. I talk to some one, who is, usually a close friend and if I don’t feel like talking to someone I write it down. Journaling can be very helpful and healing.
  6. I write down at least five positive things that happened in the last week, to help myself avoid the negative thought process that comes with being in a FUNK.
  7. I write a task list every morning. To make sure I am being productive, and not falling into a non-productive black hole.
  8. I try to do something nice for someone, because kindness goes a long way and it’s good for the soul.
  9. Self- Care (I will be posting my favorite self care practices later this week)
  10. I find things that make me laugh. (comedy shows, movies, podcasts, an old video, Ali Wong’s Book perhaps?)

I think the hardest part is understanding that it is temporary. Everything is temporary.

People need to learn, that it is okay to not have it together all the time. It is okay to take a break. It is okay to not be okay for a minute or a day. Sometimes life gives us lemons, and we make lemonade, and sometimes that lemonade will still taste like shit. You just have to keep trying till you get the recipe right.

Adulting is hard. Don’t feel bad. Rise above the FUNK, because you are better than the FUNK.

Happy Monday!

xo Bri

The Millennial Struggle: Authenticity.

Authenticity is something I think people in general struggle with throughout their life. Which is fair, because people spend a lot of time trying to find or figure themselves out.

It takes time to figure out what your beliefs, passions, wants and needs are.

It takes time to figure out, who you are as an individual.

It takes time to figure out what direction you want to take in life. Somehow your body has a good way of telling you, which way is right and which way is wrong. Sometimes, we fail to listen to our body’s instincts.

So many of us get consumed with life, and the hustle, and work, that we forget to live in the moment. We forget to smell the coffee that gets us through our day.

And then one day, you wake up and go who am I? What am I doing with my life? Why have I wasted so much time?

Or one day you wake up and realize that,

You find yourself in a world surrounded by people pretending to be something their not. – Pretty sure that’s from A Cinderella Story.

And then you go ugh… wth.

The more people I meet and the older I get, the more I notice that people don’t care about being real. In fact they have developed this mentality of “why be me, when I can be someone else?” Which, is very possible with modern medicine.

I think social media has a lot to do with this, because we idolize people and we want their life.

People spend less time worrying and working on themselves and more time worrying about everyone else.

The world right now is full of inauthentic people. I feel so lucky, and blessed when I get to meet real people. People with a personality, who aren’t mindless sheep.

Don’t be a mindless sheep!

The Merriam-Webster definition of authenticity is being true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

What does it mean to be true to one’s personality, spirit, or character?

It means understanding that you’re not perfect, but owning your imperfections. It means being open- minded, even if you have your own set of beliefs. It means listening to others without judgment and living your life for you and no one else.

Put yourself first, stay in your own lane, don’t worry about the accomplishments of others. Focus on your journey, because everything else is just noise and a distraction from a fulfilling life.

You are supposed to find yourself, not get lost in all the BS. I know it’s hard, especially, when you can compare yourself to a million people with the swipe of your finger. Stay true to you.

xo Bri

“authentic,” The Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/authentic. Accessed 12/18/2019.

Five Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

Dear Younger Me,

Friendships

You don’t know this yet, but over the next ten years of your life you are going to have a revolving door of people that come in and out of your life. Most of which never stick around, and a few that stick around to long.

This sucks, but you get good at weeding out the people who are bad for you. You also become a great judge of character. First impressions are going to be key, so remember that. You could save yourself a lot of hurt, by trusting your gut instincts on a few of these people. You are going to have to learn to nourish the good relationships too though. You let a lot of people slip through the cracks, because you are kind of selfish and mean. So kill every one with kindness, and adopt that into your life, you cynical bitch.

Men

All of the men in your life are temporary, so stop crying over them, in fact avoid men in general, because they make you put your life on hold and keep you from pursuing your dreams. You’d be a lot farther by now, had you not wasted so many years jumping from one toxic relationship to the next. Also, no man is worth ruining a friendship over, you encounter a lot of women who think this a thing, you’ve also done it yourself, and it always ends poorly. Use your brain.

Love

Love will find you, but you need to find you first. You’re a hot fucking mess and you are going to have to spend a lot of time trying to better yourself. If you think love found you… you need to check the definition of love, because what you found is another person just trying to take control. Oh, and when someone leaves you, let them leave you, and if they come back run as fast as you can. Like to another state. Change you name, change your number, and get the fuck on with your life. You deserve so much better than the strays you keep bringing home.

Most of the “good” guys in your life only stick around for the honey moon phase, then shit gets to real for them and they bounce. So focus on you and the rest will come when it is time. You love to learn and you learn quite a few lessons from love. So, keep your head up and keep on moving.

College

Go away for college and steer clear of Berkeley. That place is a hell hole of idiots and all it did was bring you misery. We meet… maybe three decent human beings there?? The rest were shoving pictures of dead fetus’s in our face, making fun of white culture, which is not a thing. White is a skin tone and I am half Hispanic and PALE as fuck.

You almost slapped the stupid out of some entitled prick, who was sitting in the back of the class that day. Then you called your dad and told him you were quitting college, and that you should have gone to Davis or UCLA or any of the other ten colleges you got into, while you were walking to the nearest bar.

I went on a tangent about how he said “all I know about white culture is that they can name all the dog breeds, and don’t like spicy food”. Well, as an animal lover and someone, who had multiple dogs growing up… Yes, I can name quite a few. Avoid this place at all costs. It’s not worth the stress.

Success

Anything you need to succeed you already have. Everything you want is possible. Any dreams you dream, you have more than enough drive to make them a reality. You will accomplish anything you put your mind to. Trust your instincts.

The world has so many things to offer you, so stop living life on the side lines. Get out there. No matter what you do, you are on the right path. Some ways are a little longer than others, there are a lot of bumps in the road, a lot of bad decisions, and a lot of talking to yourself. That’s okay though. I hear that people, who talk to themselves often, are supposed to be more intelligent.

Also give yourself some credit and learn to take a compliment. You are SMARTER than you think and you are STRONGER than you think. Chase the light until you become the light.

XO,

Bri

Treat Yourself To Some Positive Affirmations

Affirmations encourage positive thinking. They consist of anything you repeatedly say to yourself, whether it be out loud, in your head, or written on a page. Affirmations can inspire us, motivate us, or help us overcome those negative thoughts that may be poisoning our minds.

Some of my daily affirmations:

Everything I need to succeed I already possess inside of me.

I am honest and constructive.

I rise above those who are trying to break me down.

Happiness is a choice and it comes from within me.

My drive can’t be stopped. My ambition will help me reach my goals.

There is no obstacle that I cannot overcome.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the universe has my back.

I am taking steps to better myself every day.

Photo by Plush Design Studio on Pexels.com

Writing down affirmations was just one step of many, that I have tried, to help me be a more positive and self aware person. Affirmations have helped me change my initial thought process. Doubting yourself is painful. Negativity does not make you a person other people want to be around. Be a light. Be a person of gratitude. Most of all, be a person, who practices self care and learn to love yourself. You are unique and you are worthy.

Can’t Stop Won’t Stop: Five Goals For 2020

Here are five of my goals for 2020. Please share some of your own goals for this year in the comments!

Read at least one book every month.-I recently joined the book of the month club, so this should be an easy one to uphold(I hope). Reading books can increase your creativity, improve sleep if you read before bed, and reduce stress.

Hike one new spot every month.- Exploring on the weekends is one of my favorite things to do. Especially after a week of staring at a computer screen. Not to mention hiking is a good way to get in some exercise outside of an actual gym. You could even make it a family outing and grab lunch at a nearby restaurant once you’re done.

Write down one thing I am grateful for every day. – by doing so I hope that I can become a more optimistic and positive person. Practicing gratitude often leads to a happier more fulfilling life.

Travel somewhere outside of the county.– I have a million places on my travel list this year, which makes it hard to narrow it down to just a few. I plan to travel to Europe at the end of May, and Thailand in November. Where in Europe is TBD, feel free to leave some suggestions for me. 🙂

Finish My Book.- Only 30,000 words to go and a ton of editing, but my goal is to get in 1,500 words a week for the next five months.

Why Embracing Failure Leads to Success

As someone, who has put their dream of going to law school on hold, to pursue something that I believe will lead to a more fulfilling life. I have now been getting asked time and time again…

“What if you fail?”

Here is the thing. I hope I fail, because every single time I fail, I get to stand up stronger, better, and wiser than I was before.

No one ever gets something right the first time around and no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails. The only thing you need to do, is stare failure directly in the eyes, collect yourself, and get back on the horse. Embrace failure. Don’t run from it.

Rome was not built in a day. Businesses did not become successful over night. Blood, sweat, and tears will go into the things that you are passionate about. That passion and perseverance, will bring you the success you so deeply desire and deserve.

At least that is what I believe. No one said life was easy, in fact life is extremely hard. I’ve hit rock bottom plenty of times and I am young. I also plan to hit it a dozen more times.

You can’t let failure, or fear, be the thing that is making you pump your breaks.

Failure is inevitable, but if you have the mindset, that failure is not an option, then you are going to be invincible.

Roll with the punches, don’t back down, put yourself out there, and always make sure you are doing things for the right reason.

It will all be worth it in the end.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself on this journey.

What I do know is that hard work does pay off and sometimes things just take time.

I am not afraid of failure, and you shouldn’t be either.

#failyourwaytosuccess

Ambition: The Drive That Helps Us Reach Our Goals

In hopes to start the New Year off right, let’s talk about ambition.

Definition: a strong desire to gain a particular objective; specif., the drive to succeed, or to gain fame, power, wealth, etc.

“Ambition.” YourDictionary. LoveToKnow. http://www.yourdictionary.com/AMBITION.

If I am being honest, ambition is something that is in all of us, and when paired with something like determination, it can make a person unstoppable.

I’ve always noticed that some people have more drive than others, and for some.. ambition comes and goes in waves.

When we have it, it’s as though ambition is oozing out of our pores, we are blinded by the stars in our eyes, and god help those who are trying to keep up. It’s a truly great feeling.

The problem is, when we start to lose the ambition and the momentum that comes with it. It becomes a lot harder to get it back.

The key to being ambitious and staying ambitious, is to always be fueling up. Fueling up on positivity, fueling up on attainable goals, and always setting yourself up for success.

That is why you have to stay in motion, because an object in motion stays in motion. Even if you slow down, you have to remember not to stop. It is a million times harder to get back to full speed, if you are trying to do so from a dead stop.

A dead stop in my eyes is giving up, hitting pause, throwing whatever it is on a back burner.

In 2020 we are not giving up and we are not hitting pause, because nothing is ever as bad as it seems. This is a new decade, and for those of you, that are committed to a new year, and new me philosophy. Be sure to pair that New Year ambition with some determination and I bet you’ll see a lot more progress towards the goals you hope to reach.

#leavethenegativityin2019 #callmeoptimistic

Mindful Monday:Happiness is a Choice

Once upon a time someone told me…..

I can’t be the one to always make you happy, you have to be able to make yourself happy on your own

-My Ex

It took me months after hearing this to actually understand what this person meant, because obviously I sat there like…

“What? Of course you make me happy. What is wrong with that?”

The problem was, he was making and breaking my overall happiness experience. I was putting the power of happiness in this person’s hands, or their friend’s hands, or their family’s hands.

Once I realized that, I realized I was putting the power of happiness in people and things, and that my whole outlook on happiness was wrong.

I had no idea how much of a choice happiness actually was, at least not until recently, to be honest. I think people tend to forget, that happiness is something they have complete control of.

I hate to say it, but one sign of not taking control of your happiness is complaining. . . Something I actually do quite often.

Complaining about something only means, you are allowing something to diminish your quality of life, the moment, the experience, the overall outcome of a situation. You are letting something or someone else take over your mindset, and by doing that, you are choosing to not be happy.

I hope this makes sense.

On my journey for personal growth, the idea of happiness became more clear to me. Now happiness stems from within me, not from what’s around me.

That’s because I try to be mindful and positive as much as I possibly can. Both of which are a choice I choose to make every day. I can obviously choose to be negative, which a lot of us are programmed to do these days.

We take a situation and automatically start to think the worst and then we get upset. Once we are upset we are left with the task of miraculously pulling ourselves out of the negative black hole. Which is far from easy.

That’s why you have to turn yourself into a glass half full person, not a glass half empty one.

In other words you have to take on a positive mindset, which once you start the process only becomes easier.

Photo by Ivan Bertolazzi on Pexels.com

In order take on a positive mindset you have to be mindful, and understand that you have a tendency to drift towards the dark side more often than not. You have to understand, that it is your choice to let something bring you down.

I am not saying you have to be happy all the time, but just manage your outlook on things, because being happy is associated with being mindful, positive, generous, ambitious, and the more you build yourself up the harder you are going to be to tear down.

Always try to look on the bright side.

One thing I’ve had to remind myself a lot, is that there is something to gain from every experience, even the painful ones. I mean… hey.. this blog started from a place of pain, and I love every minute I spend writing on it.

Some quick reminders I think people could benefit from.

1.This is Your life. Therefore you make the choices, you call the shots, you are in full control, so take advantage of that. Live your life for you, smile for you, be happy for you, and stop allowing others to come in between you and your happiness, goals, and dreams.

2. Practice Self Care. Nothing brings me more satisfaction and happiness than indulging in self care. I truly believe this makes the difference, when it comes to someone’s mental health. It also does wonders, when it comes to keeping a healthy mindset.

3. Show Compassion: A little compassion will always go a long way, and its good for the soul.

4. Don’t Waste Time Caring About What Others Think. One of my biggest fears, when I first started blogging, and writing was wondering what other people were going to think.. or say.. if they would laugh… and it kept me from pursuing something I took great pleasure in.

5. Life is Short. So don’t waste time crying over split milk, pick your battles wisely, learn when to stand up and when to take a seat, find what is meaningful to you, and make the best of life because you only get one.

Five Things You Should Do Before The New Year

New year, new me season is around the corner.

So, raise your hand if you’re going to get in shape this year. Okay… Now raise your hand if you said that last year too.

You should probably keep reading.

I’d like us all to vow, to not be those A-holes, who wait until January 1st to begin the practices that will maybe last a month.

Let’s be real

You don’t need a new year and a new list of resolutions(or same list) to make changes in your life. What you need is to be honest and realistic with yourself. And stop waiting till the “New Year” to start making changes. DO IT NOW.

It’s always better to be ahead of the curve than behind it.

Here are five things you can start doing now to make sure 2020 starts off on the right foot.

#1 Cut the Dead Ends

I’m talking hair and people honestly. Call up your hairdresser, schedule that appointment and enjoy your free therapy session with a glass of champagne. Not only are you starting the New Year off with some healthy locks, but the two of you can discuss the dead ends you are about to cut out of your life.

I really hope everyone does this. If not the hair cut, then the honest assessment of who in your life actually brings value and happiness. Remove anyone who talks down to you or that reeks of negativity. The last thing you need is someone keeping you from your goals, because they are bitter about something that doesn’t relate to you.

Cut out everyone who wants to see you fail, and keep only the most genuine circle of people, that are committed to helping and watching you grow.

When you start living life for you and stop responding and giving toxic people the time of the day, you will start to see so many positive changes in your life. Don’t bother giving people an explanation. They will figure it out.

#2 Make a Vision Board

Some of you might think this is lame, but there is a lot of power in visualization. On my vision board, I have a few places I want to travel. #Thailand2020. Goals I want to accomplish. Hiking spots I want to cross off off my bucket list. How much money I want to save. There are some inspirational sayings that remind me to keep growing and improving myself every day. I may have added a trust circle that has all my dead ends planted firmly on the outside, as a healthy reminder to keep toxic people out of my life.

Regardless of what you put on there it is good to visualize your goals. So, that you are reminded to work towards them every day. Once you finish your vision board, be sure to put it somewhere visible. Whether that is in your bedroom, your office, or as your screensaver.

#3 Make Peace With Everything in 2019

I don’t know about you, but 2019 was a doozy for me. The best thing to do going forward is to stop carrying the past with you. Be present. Let go. Stop carrying the weight of the previous year with you. You are here, you are alive, and you are loved.

Yes you are loved, even if it’s only by your cats. They still count. Meow.

In order to make the best of the year to come, you have to enter it with a clear and open mindset.

In other words. Stop letting everything that bothers you dictate your life.

Enter as you are in all of your glory, make peace with who you are now, and set your eyes on the person you want to grow to be.

#4 Empty Your Forking Fridge

Yes. Go home tonight and empty your fridge. Please. Clean it too while you are at it. Go through all the expired condiments and deep dark freezer contents, because cleaning your fridge is going to be like saying goodbye to years of bad decisions. You are going to feel beyond accomplished by doing this and it will motivate you to start throwing out junk left and right.

One of the first things I do, when I enter someones house, is walk into their kitchen and open their fridge. Probably because I am always hungry, but that fridge makes or breaks my experience.

You can tell a lot about someone by the contents of their fridge.

Just FYI.

I swear if you look into my fridge it is like you are staring into my soul. I am the person, who buys healthy food, and eats healthy for maybe a few days. Only to return to my fridge a week later and throw it all out. Bright side, my fridge is almost always clean. Downside I am extremely wasteful.

#5 Stop Making Excuses

No. Seriously. This you can and should start today.

I say this because everyone is going to go to the gym January 1st, and then as the month goes on everyone is going to slowly, but surely start making excuses not to go. So, stop making excuses today and go do whatever it is you keep saying you are going to start January 1st.

I know it’s tempting to do whatever is easier after a long day of work, but it’s hard to succeed in life if you are making excuses daily. Even the smallest excuses add up.

If you break a promise to yourself, then how do you keep promises to anyone else??

It’s time to get the ball rolling. Figure out what you want now and then go do it. You don’t have to use 2020 as an excuse to start either. Just get it done!

YOU GOT THIS!

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