The Bottom Line: Adulting is Hard.

I searched “Adulting” on urban dictionary today… and I was almost offended by the definitions I found. Granted. They were from 2015, so the times have changed. 

Here is the top definition on Urban Dictionary:

Adulting (v): to carry out one or more of the duties and responsibilities expected of fully developed individuals (paying off that credit card debt, settling beef without blasting social media, etc). Exclusively used by those who adult less than 50% of the time.

Not too bad… still slightly offensive. 

What does exclusively used by those who adult less than 50% of the time even mean?? 

I pay my bills and I never blast my beef on social media.  I adult 85% of the time(pay my bills, pay my rent, cook for myself, work a 9-5).

I also texted my mom saying “I hate adulting” this week. Partially because working a 9-5, commuting 2+ hours, finally getting home, realizing you need to go to the grocery store and then cooking at 8pm is not ideal.

Here is a rude definition:

Being a responsible adult. Used by immature 20-somethings who are proud of themselves for paying a bill.

Okay. Who pissed in your cheerios man??? As a millennial, and someone with great credit, who pays their bills in full every month. I kind of take offense.

 #Adulting is hard. 

The problem millennials face is this:

We were told we needed an education to make money, and then we came out of college with crazy student debts, to then go work for a job that probably does not pay enough. 

Then we are expected to buy a house, have a savings, contribute to our 401k, get married and have kids.

Unfortunately, all these traditional milestones, that come with being a responsible adult, cause us to become consumed with stress. This leads to depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, panic attacks, self doubt, lowered self-esteem, and a bunch of other issues that affect our mental health. (just saying) 

So. 

We then opt to buy expensive dogs(or regular dogs) instead, which gives us motivation to buy a house so our dogs can have a better life, thus putting off kids for a few extra years. (Serious or Sarcastic?) 

Just to be clear.

Animals can improve your mood, reduce stress, encourage you to exercise, reduce anxiety, and make you feel less lonely(sometimes). 

The bottom line is.. Adulting is hard

Socioeconomic trends have changed in the past few years, and are very different for 20-somethings we simply take longer to transition into actual adulthood. 

We aren’t all giving ourselves pats on the backs for paying a bill here and there. Most of us are just doing the best we can. 

SHIT IS JUST EXPENSIVE. 

Some people take longer to gain financial independence, and making fun of adulting is our way of coping with the fact that a lot of us are stuck living at home.

Doomed to spend the rest of eternity making bad financial decisions. 

Such as…  

Spending absurd amounts of money on Starbucks coffee and avocado toast. That is, until we land our hypothetical dream job that pays well, or we move somewhere, where the cost of living isn’t BS.

P.S. Stop spending money on Starbs and avocado toast!

xo, bri

Hello… It’s Me. Sliding into your DMs, Hoping You’d Like to Meet.

Technology is great. People are great. Tons of people meet online and go on to date or get married.

But then, you get that handful of people, who just seem to have lost their forking brain (but really though where did you leave it? Maybe I can help you find it?).

Somehow… social media has transported us to a world, where people think that when someone never responds, it means they should try harder.

You didn’t respond 48 days in a row… but.. hey! how’s your day today? As if the 49th time is going to be different.

Hello… Remember Me?

I can tell that you’re online, based on your activity

-bri

Currently making Adele’s song into a joke about cyber stalking /DM sliding, if you haven’t caught on yet.

You may be wondering why I am ranting on about this or why it is relevant…. so let me explain my madness.

I recently made all new social media accounts and apparently, by doing so, I opened the flood gates for messages from a handful of random people. It would be one thing if they were commenting on my blog, or my page; but no, they just came to say “Hey. You’re pretty. What’s up?”

In my opinion this is ONE of the most UNATTRACTIVE things a person can do, and it’s a huge pet peeve of mine.

I don’t think desperate is a good look on anyone to be fair.

Just because you have the ability to message people you don’t know a million times, it does not mean you should.

Most of the guys I don’t know, but then I get the ones that I had previously blocked on a different account, that decide now is the time to seize the opportunity and give it one more go.

If I wasn’t dabbling in blogging and interested in potential content (that sounds mean), then I probably would have blocked these people right off the bat. Instead, I left them on read and watched as the messages kept pouring in.

The messages were cringe worthy to say the least.

So much so that I considered taking where I worked off of my LinkedIn. I mean, this is how people end up dead in ditches or kidnapped, right? (slightly dramatic but still)

Here’s an example of the lengths these people are going to….

I had a guy offer me 10k for a “friendship” his words (swear to god), in hopes that I would hang out with him ONCE. Then, and only then, would he feel content leaving me alone.

I couldn’t help but let my mind wander. I started to think. Is this how they plan to kidnap me? Venmo me 10k… under the condition I meet them for a drink. Then, next thing I know, I’m being drugged and held hostage in someone’s mothers basement. YIKES.

Hard Pass. Flattered.

I’ve tried just about everything. I’ve gone the not responding route, which did not work. So then, I tried responding and saying, “Thanks I’m not interested.” That did not work either.

I guess the best thing you can do after that, is block them.. or subject yourself to future harassment.

I’d like to point out that the act of sliding into DM’s itself, doesn’t have to be frowned upon; but there is a right and a wrong way to do it.

If I am interested in someone… I might respond to a story someone posted and initiate a conversation.

BUT there has to have been previous mutual interest.

If two people are liking each others posts back and forth; then it is safe to ASSUME sending them a message won’t be considered super creepy.

That does not mean, that the other person is actually interested. It just means you have a higher chance of a response.

The truth is… if they don’t know you exist, then they probably don’t care to(harsh), and leaving a comment on their pictures asking, “hey, did you see my DM?” is awkward.

Not to mention.

Excessively messaging someone is considered harassment. So let’s just quit the creepy stalker shit in 2020.

END RANT:)

xo Bri

In a Funk? Here are Some Tips and Tricks to Perk You Back Up

Oh FUNK. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up (Haha, not funny….)

That’s my life right now. Trying to find my way to the light after falling into a fairly intense funk.

I think it’s the season. We hit the ground running with motivation and then we get stuck pumping the breaks from exhaustion.

I bet your thoughts are somewhere along the line of… staying in bed forever… curled up in a ball.. not in the mood to leave your house??

Maybe it’s just because it’s Monday and adulting is hitting extra hard, or maybe it’s because it’s freezing outside and winter has me snuggled up with my favorite plush blanket.

WHO KNOWS.

So. How do we get the pep back in our step??

Well.. we take a long hard look at our goals, and push through, because it’s all we can do.

Easier said than done. I am well aware.

Here are things that I do when I hit the dreaded FUNK.

  1. Unplug from social media. Social media is the worst mental health culprit. So, I find that taking time to unplug and ditch the screen brings me mental clarity.
  2. Obviously I meditate, it tends to improve my mood, I actually meditate with some sage scented candles, or I burn some sage and turn on my meditation playlist.
  3. I rearrange my house….. because something about a put together house, makes me feel like a put together person. You can always tell if I’m in a funk, because the furniture will have been rearranged.
  4. I take time to rewrite my goals, to remind myself that my funk is temporary and I do have a plan in motion. That usually helps get some rhythm going.
  5. I talk to some one, who is, usually a close friend and if I don’t feel like talking to someone I write it down. Journaling can be very helpful and healing.
  6. I write down at least five positive things that happened in the last week, to help myself avoid the negative thought process that comes with being in a FUNK.
  7. I write a task list every morning. To make sure I am being productive, and not falling into a non-productive black hole.
  8. I try to do something nice for someone, because kindness goes a long way and it’s good for the soul.
  9. Self- Care (I will be posting my favorite self care practices later this week)
  10. I find things that make me laugh. (comedy shows, movies, podcasts, an old video, Ali Wong’s Book perhaps?)

I think the hardest part is understanding that it is temporary. Everything is temporary.

People need to learn, that it is okay to not have it together all the time. It is okay to take a break. It is okay to not be okay for a minute or a day. Sometimes life gives us lemons, and we make lemonade, and sometimes that lemonade will still taste like shit. You just have to keep trying till you get the recipe right.

Adulting is hard. Don’t feel bad. Rise above the FUNK, because you are better than the FUNK.

Happy Monday!

xo Bri

The Post Hump Day Update

Oh goodness it’s #thirstythursday, and I’m about to break my semi-dry January promise to myself. I say semi-dry because I told myself no more drinking on the weekdays.

But… It’s been one of those weeks. So.. Pour me up a glass of wine. Please.

The good news is, tomorrow is Friday.

The bad news is…well there is no bad news, because we are oneish day away from getting to hit the reset button on the entire week. Which means we can finally spend some time indulging in self care.

I like to start my Friday nights by breaking out the largest wine glass I can find. Aka the bottle and spending some solid hours unwinding in the comfort of my own home.

It’s always good to remember, that one bad day doesn’t ruin every other day, and its best to not dwell, even if your anxiety is a raging ass, that keeps you up at 2am, wondering if you’re just having a panic attack or if you might be dying.

I mean who is going to feed my poor dog??

In all seriousness, your life is basically a never ending roller coaster ride. That flips you upside down, sends you into corkscrews, and is full of up and down emotions. The only thing you can do, and the only thing you have power over in most circumstances is how you handle it.

All bad bad things are temporary, unless you choose to let those bad things dictate your life. Don’t do that. Take it one day at a time. One step at a time. And find comfort knowing that you are not alone. We all have bad days, weeks, months…. YEARS. It’s life make the best out of it.

Embrace the bad days, they will make you truly appreciate the good ones.

Happy almost Friday!

xo Bri

The Millennial Struggle: Authenticity.

Authenticity is something I think people in general struggle with throughout their life. Which is fair, because people spend a lot of time trying to find or figure themselves out.

It takes time to figure out what your beliefs, passions, wants and needs are.

It takes time to figure out, who you are as an individual.

It takes time to figure out what direction you want to take in life. Somehow your body has a good way of telling you, which way is right and which way is wrong. Sometimes, we fail to listen to our body’s instincts.

So many of us get consumed with life, and the hustle, and work, that we forget to live in the moment. We forget to smell the coffee that gets us through our day.

And then one day, you wake up and go who am I? What am I doing with my life? Why have I wasted so much time?

Or one day you wake up and realize that,

You find yourself in a world surrounded by people pretending to be something their not. – Pretty sure that’s from A Cinderella Story.

And then you go ugh… wth.

The more people I meet and the older I get, the more I notice that people don’t care about being real. In fact they have developed this mentality of “why be me, when I can be someone else?” Which, is very possible with modern medicine.

I think social media has a lot to do with this, because we idolize people and we want their life.

People spend less time worrying and working on themselves and more time worrying about everyone else.

The world right now is full of inauthentic people. I feel so lucky, and blessed when I get to meet real people. People with a personality, who aren’t mindless sheep.

Don’t be a mindless sheep!

The Merriam-Webster definition of authenticity is being true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

What does it mean to be true to one’s personality, spirit, or character?

It means understanding that you’re not perfect, but owning your imperfections. It means being open- minded, even if you have your own set of beliefs. It means listening to others without judgment and living your life for you and no one else.

Put yourself first, stay in your own lane, don’t worry about the accomplishments of others. Focus on your journey, because everything else is just noise and a distraction from a fulfilling life.

You are supposed to find yourself, not get lost in all the BS. I know it’s hard, especially, when you can compare yourself to a million people with the swipe of your finger. Stay true to you.

xo Bri

“authentic,” The Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/authentic. Accessed 12/18/2019.

Once Upon A Time: A Childhood Story That Will Leave You Cringing For Days

Once upon a time …..

There was a girl, not just any girl, and extraordinary girl. A girl who looked danger in the eye, a girl who learned to survive the wrath of three crazy brothers. A girl, who, instead of running would just stand her ground.

A girl, who, one day walked into the kitchen to find one brother running around the kitchen island, and another brother chasing him with a butcher knife, screaming … “I’m going to kill you, I swear to god”. The initial reaction you might ask? Obviously jump in between the brother with the knife and the brother that was running for dear life. Thus, ending the cycle of running and buying time for the grandparents to come in and break up a “fight?”.

It was like walking into a slow motion bounty commercial, and I was the person with the bounty paper towel, who was there to save the day and clean up the mess.

Once I successfully got in between the two, keeping one brother on the complete opposite side of the kitchen island, and guarding the other brother, who was catching his breath. I began the art of slightly coaching my older brother to put the knife down.

Then came the mediation between idiot number one and idiot number two. Finally, as I stood between my older brother and my younger brother, an adult walked downstairs and asked “what was going on?” I looked at both of them. They both started to walk away. Crisis was averted. Ok so it was not that bad… but…

Welcome to my life.

You know what they say. Not all heroes wear capes. That is me. I do not wear capes… ever.. maybe that one time, when I dressed as a vampire for Halloween.

I swear some of you have never had your siblings chase you around with a kitchen knife, and threaten your life and it really shows.

I saw that in a meme last year and it really resonated with me. Just saying.

I have yet to decide if this was a normal occurrence? I mean most siblings do this stuff right? Attempted murder? No? Yes? Maybe???? I mean it was a normal occurrence in my house, so I just assume, healthy sibling rivalry? What would others do in this situation?? I am curious.

I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or grab my own knife.. Growing up with an out of control psycho, was a character building experience. You never knew if he was going to burn the house down, hire a hit man, stab you in your sleep. You just knew you needed to lock your doors. Now that my friends is cringe worthy.

Side Note: Tuesdays I like to post funny stories about me if you have yet to catch on. If you’d like to hear more about the crazy thing that is my life leave a comment. I’d be happy to switch it up! I’d also be happy to share more crazy WTF moments as well.

If you like what you read, don’t forget to subscribe.

XO Bri

The Truth About Social Media: Depression, Reality, and Acceptance

Social Media is a great place to network, to keep in touch, to stalk our exes, to reconnect, and to promote business. It has provided us with a world of endless possibilities.

The Problem

Unfortunately social media has led to a lack off authenticity.

This lack of authenticity has created a void.. a pit.. of depression in a good amount of the us.

Social media has created a sense of distrust among the people who use it.

Between the Photoshop fails, the marketing and the get rich quick schemes. It is getting hard to tell what is real and what is fake. Luckily most of us are a good judge of character and can spot it a mile away.

People are becoming so unhappy with themselves, because they can not stop comparing themselves to other people. I have struggled with this same issue time and time again.

An Inside Look

A lot of my friends have taken the Instagram model route. They boast about how much money they or other people are making on a post. They get paid to post watches, they get paid to be at events, they get to travel often. They are also glued to their phones and obsessed with their following.

Half of them are promoting products that do nothing. Most of them fail to do much to make the world a better place. They boast about all of the gifts they receive and we follow them, because we want to be them, or because they are good to look at.

To be honest. I was jealous at first of the money my friends were making on the side. It was a car payment for crying out loud, but then I also realized nothing on social media is REAL.

You never get to fully see behind the curtain and social media is definitely a curtain.

Most of the people in an Insta Model’s life are going to be creeps. From their photographers, to their followers, at least in my experience.

Most of these people are just as unhappy as the rest of us. They too fail to be honest with themselves. Everyone is competing, everyone has eyelash extensions, fillers, hair extensions, Botox, boob jobs, because they too were unhappy with themselves at some point in time.

I hopped on the extension hype for a while, but god it was exhausting, and extremely expensive.

It is exhausting to look attractive, be fit, happy and perfect all the time.

Fooling the World and Ourselves

Every time my friends were posting on Instagram “the happy couple” in Disneyland or “never going home” in Hawaii, they were texting me how miserable they were on the side.

Fooling the world and fooling themselves in the process. We all do it.

Everyone edits their pictures, creates the perfect photo-shopped post, because they do not think the original is good enough.

We as humans are so self critical.

We as people have entered into a society that is more concerned with having a pissing contest, than helping create a COMMUNITY, of helping, encouraging and sharing success.

What Does This Mean For Future Generations?

We have fallen into a hole of likes, half naked pictures, and a lot of future children asking their Mom, why they are half naked on a swan in the middle of the pool?

The scary part is wondering if our kids will follow in our footsteps? Have we created a world where privacy does not exist? Have we lost our morals and our boundaries?

I don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing, because it has empowered so many women. I think the women who are out there doing this are beautiful and brave. I also feel as though I have to encourage it, because who would I be if I did not support my fellow women?

I feel like half of them are putting up a facade.

People are honestly just out there doing whatever made someone else really popular.

Is There Room For Improvement?

Sometimes, we have to put the crazy world of social media aside, and focus on what really matters.

Which is….

Worrying and improving ourselves not anyone else. We should be spending more time routing for each other and encouraging each other, instead of being self absorbed in our likes and following.

Everyone could use a little improvement. You do not have to put on a fake face every day in hopes people like you. You just have to make sure you like you.

If you find that you don’t like you, then be honest with yourself and figure out what needs to change. Change is not always a bad thing, if you are changing for the better.

Social Media has the ability to bring out the worst in the best of us.. the jealousy monster in most of us, and distracts us from the things in life that really matter (our friends, family, pets, life).

Acceptance is a key part of happiness. If you can accept where you are in life, what you have, and who you are, then happiness will follow.

If social media is causing you to be depressed. Don’t be afraid to take a break, clear the clutter, and practice self-care. There is more to see in this world than what is on your screen.

Five Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

Dear Younger Me,

Friendships

You don’t know this yet, but over the next ten years of your life you are going to have a revolving door of people that come in and out of your life. Most of which never stick around, and a few that stick around to long.

This sucks, but you get good at weeding out the people who are bad for you. You also become a great judge of character. First impressions are going to be key, so remember that. You could save yourself a lot of hurt, by trusting your gut instincts on a few of these people. You are going to have to learn to nourish the good relationships too though. You let a lot of people slip through the cracks, because you are kind of selfish and mean. So kill every one with kindness, and adopt that into your life, you cynical bitch.

Men

All of the men in your life are temporary, so stop crying over them, in fact avoid men in general, because they make you put your life on hold and keep you from pursuing your dreams. You’d be a lot farther by now, had you not wasted so many years jumping from one toxic relationship to the next. Also, no man is worth ruining a friendship over, you encounter a lot of women who think this a thing, you’ve also done it yourself, and it always ends poorly. Use your brain.

Love

Love will find you, but you need to find you first. You’re a hot fucking mess and you are going to have to spend a lot of time trying to better yourself. If you think love found you… you need to check the definition of love, because what you found is another person just trying to take control. Oh, and when someone leaves you, let them leave you, and if they come back run as fast as you can. Like to another state. Change you name, change your number, and get the fuck on with your life. You deserve so much better than the strays you keep bringing home.

Most of the “good” guys in your life only stick around for the honey moon phase, then shit gets to real for them and they bounce. So focus on you and the rest will come when it is time. You love to learn and you learn quite a few lessons from love. So, keep your head up and keep on moving.

College

Go away for college and steer clear of Berkeley. That place is a hell hole of idiots and all it did was bring you misery. We meet… maybe three decent human beings there?? The rest were shoving pictures of dead fetus’s in our face, making fun of white culture, which is not a thing. White is a skin tone and I am half Hispanic and PALE as fuck.

You almost slapped the stupid out of some entitled prick, who was sitting in the back of the class that day. Then you called your dad and told him you were quitting college, and that you should have gone to Davis or UCLA or any of the other ten colleges you got into, while you were walking to the nearest bar.

I went on a tangent about how he said “all I know about white culture is that they can name all the dog breeds, and don’t like spicy food”. Well, as an animal lover and someone, who had multiple dogs growing up… Yes, I can name quite a few. Avoid this place at all costs. It’s not worth the stress.

Success

Anything you need to succeed you already have. Everything you want is possible. Any dreams you dream, you have more than enough drive to make them a reality. You will accomplish anything you put your mind to. Trust your instincts.

The world has so many things to offer you, so stop living life on the side lines. Get out there. No matter what you do, you are on the right path. Some ways are a little longer than others, there are a lot of bumps in the road, a lot of bad decisions, and a lot of talking to yourself. That’s okay though. I hear that people, who talk to themselves often, are supposed to be more intelligent.

Also give yourself some credit and learn to take a compliment. You are SMARTER than you think and you are STRONGER than you think. Chase the light until you become the light.

XO,

Bri

Are You a Negative Nancy? Tips and Tricks to Overcome Negativity.

If you asked my direct family members or my closest friends, if they thought I was more of a positive person or a negative person…. The majority of them would tell you… without hesitation that I am a Negative Nancy.

When I was first starting my journey for personal growth, I dove head first into a sea of self help books. My dad had given me YOU ARE A BADASS by Jen Sincero for Christmas about a year ago. I finally decided to crack it open, after I graduated college, and had more time to actually read books that I wanted to read.

After reading YOU ARE A BADDASS, I started to realize how negative I was or had become. I also started to realize that the people around me were also extremely negative. Then… I realized I hate negativity… and negative people. So I have started to do everything in my power to become a more positive person.

Trying to be a positive person, when you are surrounded by a sea full of negative people is draining. I had to limit time with everyone, and slowly make my way back to the shore, on the island where people do not suck the life out of you. My options were drown in the negativity with everyone else, or live out a life I can actually enjoy.

The choice was an easy one to make. The hard part was killing the person I was or the person I had become. Reversing years of damage, years of bad influences, years of anger that was fueling my negativity, was not a walk in the park. I’d do well, then I’d get depressed, then I’d start to fall back down a rabbit hole where everything was just dark.

The worst part was feeling alone through the process. The best part was becoming a stronger and better person.

Signs that you are negative person

  1. You complain a lot ( I complained about everything)
  2. YOU DON’T ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS( Something that would bother me to my core)
  3. You are a pessimist (automatically thinking the worst of all situations)
  4. You opt out of going to fun things ( because god forbid something terrible happens when you are there)
  5. You have a hard time maintaining relationships
  6. You are told you are draining (people stop wanting to be around you-or feel like they are walking on egg shells)
  7. You have a million problems, but no solutions, because you don’t care to fix the problem you just want to complain about it.

Ways to stop being a negative person

  1. Identify things you contribute to the problem ( stop one upping people with your misery)
  2. Start coming up with solutions.
  3. Start practicing gratitude
  4. Start appreciating the lights in your life that get you through the day
  5. Start nourishing the relationships you have left
  6. Understand that misery loves company(its better to be alone, and working on yourself than surrounded with energy sucking wolves. You won’t be alone long just trust me).
  7. Adopt some positive affirmations
  8. Recognize the moment you have a negative thought.
  9. Meditate to promote self awareness
  10. Exercise
  11. Eat healthy
  12. Practice self-care

The road is long, but so worth it. You don’t want to stay bitter your whole life. You want the most out of your life, so worry less and live more. A positive mindset will get you farther than you think!

Treat Yourself To Some Positive Affirmations

Affirmations encourage positive thinking. They consist of anything you repeatedly say to yourself, whether it be out loud, in your head, or written on a page. Affirmations can inspire us, motivate us, or help us overcome those negative thoughts that may be poisoning our minds.

Some of my daily affirmations:

Everything I need to succeed I already possess inside of me.

I am honest and constructive.

I rise above those who are trying to break me down.

Happiness is a choice and it comes from within me.

My drive can’t be stopped. My ambition will help me reach my goals.

There is no obstacle that I cannot overcome.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the universe has my back.

I am taking steps to better myself every day.

Photo by Plush Design Studio on Pexels.com

Writing down affirmations was just one step of many, that I have tried, to help me be a more positive and self aware person. Affirmations have helped me change my initial thought process. Doubting yourself is painful. Negativity does not make you a person other people want to be around. Be a light. Be a person of gratitude. Most of all, be a person, who practices self care and learn to love yourself. You are unique and you are worthy.